Goodbye Holidays, Hello Winter

And just like that, it’s winter already. A lot has happened in the last couple of months, some good and some less good, and I honestly find it hard to believe how quickly fall flew by. I felt inspired to write this week, so I thought I’d give y’all a little life update and some general thoughts about the colder weather.

Obviously, I’ve been completely MIA on here after publishing my “I took a break” post several months ago. I would say the reason for that is two-fold: a series of fairly interruptive life events, combined with an unexpectedly debilitating season of the Pre-Winter Sads. Let’s start with a little outline of events, and then I’ll explain myself about the “Sads”.

Shortly after attempting to return to the blog more regularly (lol), we decided to move out of our apartment! Thankfully, not a very far move – just into a rental house down the road. Not so thankfully, what I thought would be a fairly simple, plug-and-play hunting process turned into a bit of an ordeal that invaded our schedule for the better part of a month. After realizing we needed a realtor (I had NO idea that the rental house industry was so intense!), we pursued several different options in our area that all ended in closed doors for one reason or another. Finally, sort of in the 9th hour, we settled on a place and got the keys at the beginning of November! We’re very thankful for our new place, but moving is a bear and it has consumed most of our free time since late September. Our hope is that this house can be somewhere that we want to stay longer term, where we can feel comfortable starting a family in the next year or two.

As if the stress of moving wasn’t enough to occupy us, the week before Thanksgiving I got into a pretty significant car accident and totaled my car. Praise the Lord, I was not the driver at fault and both parties came away relatively unscathed (save for some soreness and minor bruising on my face from the air bag).

And speaking of the Lord, He was SO present during this time!! Even in the first few minutes after the crash, I could already see His hand at work and feel His protection and provision in this scenario. From having an unusual stash of winter clothing in my car that kept me warm as we waited for the police, to the kindness of the other driver (not a guarantee, even though it was not my fault), to the timing of my husband being able to finish up in surgery at work just in time to pick me up – despite the inconvenience and scariness of the whole thing, I ultimately came away from it feeling deeply blessed. Arguably the most obvious way I could see the Lord’s provision was in the timing of things. As I said, the accident happened literally one week before Thanksgiving, when we were planning to head down to Austin, TX to spend the holiday with my in-laws… and pick up our new car!

Months ago, as we anticipated needing to replace my car that was old and needing more and more repairs, my husband’s parents generously offered to give us one of their vehicles. So toward the end of the summer, when we were working out our next trip down to see them, we made a plan to drive back their vehicle on the way home from Thanksgiving break. The hope was to have the new car before actually needing to replace my old one, so we could sell it before it was a complete dud. So… that’s right – in the Lord’s perfect timing, I totaled that old car just one week before obtaining our new vehicle. If that isn’t Providence, I don’t know what is!

So those couple of events definitely have kept me on my toes the last few months. Not to mention traveling for Thanksgiving, helping coordinate multiple church events, and the usual busyness of Christmas and New Year’s. Needless to say, I’ve had my hands full – and I’m sure many of you have, as well!

If you live anywhere in the north, you may also experience what I like to call the Pre-Winter Sads. That’s just my silly little way of saying that when the season starts to change I (rather suddenly) lose all motivation, drive, and general enthusiasm for living. Usually I consider it to be directly tied to the weather, but this year I have realized that I think it has a little more to do with the shortening of the days. We had such a mild fall that I honestly wasn’t expecting to feel so down – so it kinda threw me for a loop when October came around and I was searching for the will to get out of bed every day, despite the sunshine and moderate temperatures.

The presence of the Pre-Winter Sads, though always highly anticipated, tends to pull the emotional rug right out from under me and leaves me feeling totally dazed and confused. After a brief hiatus during the distraction and whimsy of the holidays, these eventually give way to the generic Winter Sads, which at the moment are looming in the bleak, gray days of January and February ahead.

If you’ve never experienced that particular phenomenon, understandably it probably sounds a little bit strange and dramatic. I’ve had several conversations on this subject with a dear friend of mine who lives in Texas (and has never really lived in the north), and she sympathetically said that she had no idea what I was talking about – but that it sounded terrible. A week or two later, she sent me a message describing that she had been thinking of me and my winter sads that week as she felt unexpectedly down – the exact word she used was “hollow”. I think that’s a perfect descriptor: feeling a bit like a shell of yourself, like you’d rather just lay in bed instead of facing the responsibilities (or even the joys) of the day ahead.

I think I can safely say that we all have days like that, so I don’t mean to overdramatize or overpersonalize the experience. But the sheer frequency of it for me during the fall and winter season becomes overwhelming and quickly wears on my self-esteem. It turns into a bit of a vicious cycle – feeling down, getting less done as a result, feeling ashamed from lack of productivity, spiraling further down… rinse and repeat. Top the crappy mental “weather” with actual crappy weather outside, and you’ve got my yearly seasonal transition experience!

As I write this, I fear that it’s coming out a little complain-y. My intention is not to complain, but rather to shed light on what this time of year is like for me – and I know I am not the only one who faces this. If this all sounds familiar to you, even on a smaller scale, you are not alone! You’re not crazy for not feeling like yourself this time of year, even if there’s nothing circumstantially to point to for blame. I may share some things I’ve learned to help myself during this time in a later blog post, if anyone is interested. But for now, just know that I stand in solidarity with any of you wonderful peeps out there who might also be struggling to get out of bed lately.

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So that’s my update! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, and that you have felt the deep love of our gracious Lord during this season. And while that mildly cliché phrase “Jesus is the reason for the season” somewhat makes me cringe, the truth at the heart of it is, well, true. In a blessing far beyond all the festivities and family time, Jesus’ appearance on earth on the very first Christmas has made it so that nothing can separate us from the love of the Lord if we trust in Him!! My prayer is that we all would feel the weight of that and appreciate it more and more every passing year.

Now that I’m feeling a little more inspired, and have a bit more headspace here in the post-holiday lull, I hope to be back again soon with more thoughts. If you feel so inclined, let me know in the comments below – are you interested in hearing more about my experience with the Winter Sads, and what I do to combat them? I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and would love to share for anyone else who may be struggling. Loving you peeps from afar! Talk soon.